10 Rookie Errors Musicians Make In Faking Their Own Deaths or Disappearances
By: Graham Alexander
Sure, times are tough for musicians- i’m sure we’ve all thought about pulling an ‘Eddie & The Cruisers’ at some point in our lives and heading to our tiny homes in the mountains never to be heard from again until the opportunity presents itself to truly gain the fame and renown you feel you deserve....but if you’re planning on this course of action you should know as much as you can about avoiding the pitfalls of a botched musician fake death or disappearance.
Meeting up with people you used to play with
This should be a no brainer. After about 3-6 months and beyond, science tells us your brain will begin to only remember the positive elements of your former life as a regional but often not yet nationally known artist that was about to make it big and change the world. You’ll want to avoid falling into this trap of sentimentality - avoid clubs, music venues, theatres you used to perform at - and avoid at all costs making contact with people you used to perform or work with. That’s right; no more childhood guitar player friend or friendly tour manager - you need to really commit to this.
2. Getting a job in music in another area where they don’t know you
While Country artist Garth Brooks tried his hand at pop rock with his alter ego… Chris Gaines… this does not constitute ‘getting a job in music in another area’ - we are referring specifically to geography with this tip.
It sounds appealing to use your old skill set to make money in order to live - but unless you change your voice, your stage mannerisms, your entire appearance - and keep to this new character consistently ...you’ll be discovered very quickly by the local record labels, fans, and talent scouts of THAT area - and before long you’ll be in the same mess that made you fake your own death in the first place
3. Hearing your old songs on the radio or tv in a bar far from home and gazing off into the distance with a blank look on your face that says, ‘that used to be me’
Pretty simple. People will start to question your behavior - no normal human looks into the abyss during what is probably a pretty obscure song...it’s going to be obvious that this is personal to you.
4. Entering local ‘Anniversary of (the artist) death’ lookalike contests.
I’m not saying Elvis ever did this - but honestly, the pure hubris you would have in doing this means you aren’t taking this ‘fake your own musician death’ thing seriously. Total rookie move.
5. Leaving clues in songs
No backmasking, no hidden meanings - don’t do it. It will only create a cult of people looking for you. This needs to be totally out of the blue.
6. Responding To People In An Ominous way prior to the disappearance
You’re at band rehearsal- you’re at a show - you’re meeting with your rabid local fan base; avoid responding to ‘See you soon’ with things like ‘Till we meet again...’ - ‘Remember me fondly, old friend’ or anything of similar ilk. Even if this doesn’t directly correlate to the idea that you KNOW about the death - it is enough to indicate that you might have felt a ‘premonition’ - which will make you gain a cult following of people that think you’re ‘deep’ and over analyze your relatively small back catalog.
7. Using your own credit cards/phone/laptop in your tiny home after your disappearance
this is pretty obvious - if you’ve done all the other steps well ...the authorities won’t be monitoring you...but you WILL be declared legally deceased within 6-12 months. At which point, your family will have access to your bank accounts - where they will inevitably see you ordering from Sweetwater.com to build your new Americana band in the west virginia mountains.
8. Keeping your old possessions
Get rid of them. They are a liability in your new life - you need to have almost no links to your past or else you’ll run the risk of garnering questions from your eventual new loved ones about the origins of your possessions. It is best you just do away with it all cleanly.
9. Running your own social media memorial pages
We’ve been over this. You cannot be in control of the narrative after your fake death (or disappearance!) You just need to allow the public to do that. Just enjoy the brand building you’ll be doing as a middle aged outsider to a new area. If you feel the need to visit these memorial fan music pages - do it as your new persona - and make sure that persona is as opposite as possible from your old persona on the internet. Have fun with this! this is your chance to be the type of belligerent person that chased you from your old life in the first place!
10. Getting bored with your choice and trying to get caught.
You’ve committed so many crimes - you’ve defrauded the fans - you’ve made your family upset ...and now you want to end the charade?? Hell no. You’ll be in deep legal trouble. Instead, try to find a quack type local doctor in your new town to diagnose you with a traumatic brain injury that caused memory loss. You may consider faking your own death/disappearance in a boat type accident - thus allowing you to have theoretically washed up on the shore with a form of amnesia....which you can claim to the press was why you believed yourself to be someone else. Your family will be happy - your fans amazed - and your wikipedia will really rock as you release your new album with a title like ‘Lost & Found’ or ‘The Comeback Kid’ with songs that detail your harrowing experience.
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